"At my bank, you have to drink with the boss to matter at all"
I work at a major French bank in Hong Kong. But I am not French, and it is absolutely killing my career being here. There is very much a cool kids’ club, and I’m not part of it. I will never be part of it.
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My boss’ inner circle are basically his drinking buddies. They not only go out together in the evening, but also cluster together at every single corporate event – tucked away in a corner, ranks closed around the boss. They make him physically inaccessible.
No matter how good you are at your job, you will struggle to get face time unless you’re in that inner circle. They completely monopolise his time and attention.
A lot of informal conversations happen after hours. That’s where relationships are built, especially in Kong Hong. But the French drinking culture – socializing and bonding late into the night – push out people who are not familiar or comfortable with it. And yes, some people don’t drink, and others have families or different lifestyles. Others aren’t French, for Christ’s sake.
Of course, no one says you must drink. But you really do. Because, if you don’t, you miss the moments where decisions, conversations, and connections happen.
You need to learn to adapt. You need to learn to build connections with other teams. You look for mentors there. But it’s not fair. Sometimes you just want a normal conversation with your boss during the day. Not at midnight over a bottle of wine.
Performance should always speak for itself. But in reality, sometimes it feels like the bar matters more than the office.
Sebastian Wu is a pseudonym.
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