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"Why I do not date female bankers"

I’m not a banker, but I’m in a close enough field to be exposed to them regularly.

Dating bankers and attempting to date bankers is the worst thing anybody, male or female, can expose themselves to. Unless you’re exclusively interested in money (which, hey, fair enough), dating pretty much anyone in finance is a nightmare.

For one, they don’t have any free time - the interesting ones, at least. The little free time they do have to date makes them act as if they’ve given you the holy grail filled to the brim with diamonds or whatever.

If, on the off chance that you do get a moment of a female (or male) banker's free time and talk to them over the phone or in person, prepare to be flooded with information that you couldn’t care less to know about them. And prepare to talk about banking. A lot. More than you want to.

If there’s any person alive whose ego is so big it transcends the concept of concepts and occupies both space and time, I’d be willing to bet it’s a first-year analyst in M&A. Or a consultant. Actually, consultants are probably worse than bankers. Part and parcel of their whole “I’m-not-a-banker” inferiority complex.

Accountants and whatever else are just as boring, but at least they can be bothered to ask you out from time to time. They also tend to be less explicit about their interest in stimulants. Trying to find love in a center of international finance makes “subtle about their cocaine habit” an endearing trait, yes.

Oh, and the bankers I have met all wear the same three perfumes, wear the same three hairstyles, and go to the same three restaurants. 

Blake Lifeless is a pseudonym.

We’ve written about bankers’ love lives before – check out our articles here and here.

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Bear with us if you leave a comment at the bottom of this article: all our comments are moderated by human beings. Sometimes these humans might be asleep, or away from their desks, so it may take a while for your comment to appear. Eventually it will – unless it’s offensive or libelous (in which case it won’t.)

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AUTHORBlake Lifeless Insider Comment
  • Pa
    PatrickBateman
    18 September 2023

    Is Dorsia one of those 3 restaurants?

  • it
    itcha
    16 September 2023

    don't forget our impeccable sense of humor, it takes skill to be able to laugh at some meaningless lines in a chart or some caustic crypto meme.

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