Morning Coffee: How to earn £2.4m for doing nothing at Barclays. Instant dismissal at J.P. Morgan

Barclays' investment bank is almost certainly about to become a much more difficult place to work. Jes Staley - of whom big things are expected - needs to pull some rabbits out of hats if he's to reduce the investment bank's cost income ratio (83% in the first nine months of 2015) and to increase its return on equity (5.5%). There will be pain. And, not just in Asia. 

Someone who is still technically in the employ of Barclays is doing just fine though. Not only are they not working, they are being handsomely for their non-efforts. That person is, Antony Jenkins.

As Sky News reported yesterday, Jenkins was paid a £500k bonus for 2015. This suggests that - despite dismissing him because he wanted to take a hatchet to the investment bank - Barclays' board actually quite liked Saint Antony, It liked him enough to pay him a bonus even though he was no longer in employment - and to award him 60% of the maximum bonus to which he was eligible for his efforts in the seven months to July.

The real measure of the board's partiality to Jenkins, however, would appear to be his long-forgotten 'parting package.' Sky notes that Jenkins - who has disappeared into the ether - is even now receiving his annual Barclays salary of £1.1m, his annual role-based pay of £950m and his annual pension allowance of £363k, and that he will continue to do so until July 2016.

It's good non-work, if you can get it. Barclay's investment bankers, who are facing another cut in their bonus pool, may be disinclined to agree though.

Separately, J.P. Morgan will slap you down and shunt you out if you so much as attempt to circumvent its compliance procedures. The Financial Times reports that J.P. Morgan has sacked Andrew Lombara, it's head of US Treasury trading and Chi Lee, a junior Treasury trader, for 'going around' the bank's valuation committee following a disagreement about the way trades were being valued. Both men left in January - presumably sans bonuses.

Meanwhile:

Barclays' John McFarlane told staff in July that he aimed to double the bank's share price in three years. Since then the shares have fallen steadily. (Financial Times) 

“Barclays always loses money in the fourth quarter of any year, and we expect the fourth quarter 2015 to be bad enough to wipe out virtually all reported earnings from the first to the third quarters of 2015.”  (Financial Times) 

Bank of America will be trimming more than its standard 5% of people from its global banking and markets division this year. Fixed income traders will be at the forefront of the cuts.  (Financial Times)  

David Tait, global head of macro products at Credit Suisse, is leaving. (Bloomberg) 

Mike Rees, who recently left Standard Chartered, will continue to receive an annual pension payout of £590k from the bank. (The Sunday Times)

If Goldman Sachs wants to generate a return on equity of 15%, it just needs to cut compensation by 43%. (NY Times) 

Ex-Goldman Sachs' Tim Leissner, legendary party animal, had a doctorate from the non-existent 'University of Somerset.' (AFR) 

Richard Pease, a fund manager at Henderson from a great finance dynasty, earned £2.7m earned between 2012 and 2014 and is unhappy that he has not been paid it. (Sunday Times) 

"I felt stupid when I left the bank and would spend most of the next two years scared out of my mind, broke, and working all hours of the day and night, but..." (Quartz)

How it is when you work and live in the city during the week and your wife and children live in the countryside without you. (Telegraph)

The number Uber office destination in New York City is Goldman Sachs. (Fortune)

Maybe just London could stay in the EU? (Independent) 

The more muscles you have, the higher status people will think you are.  (Financial Times) 

Photo credit: Barclays Bank - Frederick Street - Jewellery Quarter - Night Safe – by Elliott Brown is licensed under CC BY 2.0.